Rose has decided it’s time to get back into an old habit: keeping a diary. Only this time she’s going do it by video!
We continue the story of Out With Dad through Rose’s video diaries while we raise funds and prepare our third season production schedule.
This minisode was first available to our supporters who are members of our VIP Out With Dad private Facebook group on December 27th, 2012. It went live to the public on January 3rd, 2013. To find out how you can watch episodes early, visit outwithdad.com/contribute for details.
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Starring
Kate Conway
Music Composed, Produced and Performed by:
Adrian Ellis
Created, Written and Directed by:
Jason Leaver
I come out to a friends a couples years ago who asking me and after this I take the courage to talk some other friends.
My brother ask me a day and no words come out I just say yes with my head after supper I stay very quiet.
I said to a teacher for a homework, we read a book and the homework that I have to do is “what I search in a boyfriend or girlfriend “ and I don`t really want to lie to her because if lie to her I lie to me.
My parents don`t know yet.
I can’t believe when I watched Episode 1 of this show it was a year ago. So much has changed for me, like finally being out with my parents 🙂 I just want to say that I love this show, and I can’t believe the third season is finally sorta-almost here! 🙂
TaSoy de Argentina, y lo que a mi me pasó no es lo que nadie hubiese querido o esperado. Mi mamá se entero por medio de mi cuenta de facebook, que por error dejé abierta. Vio la conversación que tenía con una amiga, en la que yo le explicaba como me sentía y que quería decírselo a mi familia. Tuve una charla familiar en la cual me retaron, me dijeron que era algo que yo quería y que yo soy asi porque quiero, que no nací asi… me insultaron, me trataron de “trola” y mi propia mamá me dijo que prefería tener una hija muerta a una lesbiana. Actualmente me rechazan abiertamente y me tratan como si esa conversación nunca existió. Casi, porque estoy estrictamente castigada por 2 años por serlo.
Bueno, esa es mi historia. Gracias por la serie y saludos desde Argentina.
HOLA! soy de Puerto Rico y dejame decirte que no eres la unica a la que su familia le dijo tanta mierda cuando sali del closet. Mi consejo es el siguiente: IGNORALOS Y NO CAMBIEN QUIEN TU ERES PARA COMPLACER A LOS DEMAS. ellos se cansaran y tendran que entender y aceptar que ser lesbiana NO ES UNA ENFERMEDAD. algo que me ayudo mucho fue ir a un psicologo…en mi universidad brindan esos servisios gratis asi que averigua en donde puedes obtenerlos. EXITO1
This inspired me to think about and write my full comprehensive coming out story so here is a rough draft of it. Sorry that it is so long, I tend to write a lot.
I was born and raised Catholic, I even went to a Catholic school from pre-school to sixth grade. That’s nine years total,and in the Catholic belief a marriage or any intimate relationship is supposed to be between a man and a woman. They don’t exactly like the idea of being gay or anything in the lgbt community for that matter. I always wanted to be a mom, from the first memories I have. It was what I was meant to do, what I was being brought up for, and what everyone expected of me. I was supposed to grow up, do well in school, find a good man to marry, and then settle down and have kids. I was a dutiful daughter, I just wanted to make my parents proud of me. So I grew up as fast as I could, gaining maturity beyond my years. I did well in school, graduating high school with straight A’s all four years and above a 4.0 GPA. I just seemed to be having trouble in the finding a good man, or finding any guy really
I didn’t really date in high school, no one seemed to like me in that way and I had to pretty much convince myself to like any guys. I was always the best friend. Either I was the best friend of the girl the guys liked or the guys and I were best friends. In any case, my love life was pretty much non-existent during high school. I wouldn’t realize until a few years later that I was in complete and total denial about who I was really attracted to.
Then I went off to college at a school that was away from all of my friends and family and I felt incredibly alone. I was a hermit especially on the weekends. I started to make a few friends from classes, work, and pep band but I still spent most of my time alone watching shows or movies on my laptop. That’s when I really started to notice something was different about me. I started noticing a couple of patterns in my habits of watching the shows or movies. I realized that I tended to favor watching shows that had a pretty girl as a main character and sometimes I would decide to watch something based solely on that factor. I also started noticing that I was pretty much only paying attention to that character and almost none to the “hunks“ of whatever I was watching. What really brought me out of my denial were the kissing scenes. I realized that I didn’t wish to be the girl kissing the guy, I was putting myself in the guys place kissing the girl. After this unsettling revelation I didn’t know what to do and I kept telling myself that it was just my mind playing tricks on me. I basically tried to convince myself that I was making things up and that I was straight. When I couldn’t completely convince myself of that anymore I kept telling myself that I was bisexual because that seemed better. At least if I was bisexual then I could hide my attraction to girls and I could still have the life that everyone expected from me. As the year went on though I started questioning more and more.
Thankfully I have an aunt and a cousin that I really looked up to growing up that are gay and I talked to them about it and asked them for advice on how to figure things out. The advice wasn’t all that helpful but talking to them was and it gave me the confidence to talk one of my best friends from back home that I had known since birth about it. I knew that she would always love me no matter what because we were like sisters but it was still one of the most nerve wracking things I’ve ever had to do. I just didn’t want to say it. I was pretty much allergic to awkward situations so calling her up to tell her that I thought I might be gay just made me itch. I stuttered and stammered until I finally got it out, but I made sure to tell her that I wasn’t sure. She reacted better than I could have hoped for. She was completely supportive and just kept reassuring me.
I’ve been slowly working on coming out as gay since then, both to myself and others. I don’t think I finally fully accepted it myself until the second semester of my sophomore year and even that took quite a few battles. I even went to a couple of lgbt straight Alliance club meetings on campus to help me figure things out and feel more comfortable with it. Still, I slowly started telling different people one person at a time. I was very careful about who I told too. I made sure that I only told people that I thought would take the news at least pretty well and that wouldn’t tell anyone else. I tend to know people fairly well so I chose well and everyone I told took it surprisingly well.
One of the problems was that I was forming new friends at school and possibly being gay and then knowing that I was gay wasn’t exactly something I advertised. This meant that all of my new friends assumed I was straight and sometimes I led them to think that way because it was easier or I was feeling extra unsure of myself that day. My biggest fear when coming out to someone else was almost always that it would change our relationship and that they wouldn’t look at me the same anymore. I dreaded that thought and it made me post-pone telling several people for quite some time. The fact that I was making new friends at school just meant that there were more friends that didn’t know my secret and that I would eventually have to tell. More friendships that could potentially be ruined because of something that I couldn’t change about myself.
By the beginning of my junior year all of my close friends from back home knew about me and two close friends from school knew, but the only family members that knew were one of cousins who was also a good friend and my little brother who only found out because my best friend let it slip. I knew though that others suspected and I had been laying hints all summer to make it easier. My junior year I moved in with friend and a girl that I had met about twice at the lgbt straight alliance club on campus the year before. The girl I had met in Alliance was out and proud and that intimidated me a little. We were all talking and getting to know each other better when she told me to keep an eye out for any girls that might be a good match for her and in turn she would look out for any guys for me. I wanted to let it just slide but I also didn’t want to lie so I kind of made a weird face and she immediately understood, so I had just come out to both of my new roommates and it actually made my life a lot better. I felt accepted it more and I felt more comfortable in my own skin. It was like I could finally be my full self and it was liberating.
I started coming out to more and more people, sometimes several in the same day and everyone I told still accepted me. I was still being careful and selective though which probably helped. I still hadn’t told my family though and it wasn’t because I didn’t think that they would accept me or anything like that. My mom had recently come out as bisexual and my father had previously said that he would love me no matter who I loved, and I already knew my siblings views on the matter. As for extended family, I wasn’t too concerned because most of them were accepting and the ones that weren’t I figured “oh well.” There were a lot of things holding me back from telling my immediate family though. I didn’t want them to embarrass me, I didn’t want to disappoint them, I didn’t want things to change, I didn’t want it to get out to other people, it would just be awkward and so on. Plus, I was afraid of what my stepmother would teach my younger sisters to think of me because of it. She never really liked me much and I could just see her using me being gay as a way to twist the image of me in their minds into something horrid and I loved them way too much to let that happen. Those girls were and still are my world so I would do just about anything to keep from losing them. Then, one day I was talking with my younger brother through text and he came out to me and told me all of the other people that he had already come out to including our mother and our sister-in-law whom we are very close to. The quantity of people he had told was less than me but at least he had told some of our family so I said why not. I proceeded to tell my mother and sister-in-law and then several other people, all of which were completely supportive and loving.
Seeing that my little brother was taking such big steps while he was still in high school inspired me and I wanted to be a good example for him so I soon decided that I wanted to come out to my father the next time that I was in town because I wanted to make sure that I was the person to tell him and in person instead of him hearing about it from someone else or me telling him over the phone. I even asked my little brother if he wanted to tell him together so that it would be easier, but he declined saying that he didn’t ever want to tell our father. I did come out to my father the next time that I had a chance to do so in person, but sadly it did not go as well as I had hoped or even predicted.
At least he told me that he would still love me no matter what. The problem arose when he said that he would love me no matter what my lifestyle choice was. I do not feel like I ever made a choice to feel the way that I do, it is just inherently part of who I am. It is not a choice to be lesbian, gay, bisexual, or transgender any more than it is to be straight. I would not choose to make my life more complicated. Also, saying that it is a “lifestyle choice” implies that I am changing the way that I live compared to how I was living before or to any other person. I am still me, I have not changed the way that I live my life and it isn’t really different from anyone else. Due to our different views we argued a little about whether or not being gay is a choice but when we noticed that we were both getting upset we backed off. Then, he told me to make sure that I am discreet about it. At first I thought that he just meant no major pda like with any other couple. Then it dawned on me what he actually meant. He really meant that I shouldn’t tell anyone so that it wouldn’t get out around town and make him look bad. The final jab was when he half-jokingly told me told me that he was disappointed that I wouldn’t be giving him any grandchildren. After our talk he hugged me and told me he loved me and I returned the sentiment, but I was visibly disappointed.
My father was the last person that I wanted to make sure found out from me and not from anyone else, but my sister-in-law convinced me to tell my older brother myself as well. That took some prodding and a little time but I finally told him over the phone. I couldn’t get much of a read on how he felt about it but at least he didn’t disown me and since then he has let it be known that he doesn’t care. At this point I don’t care who finds out or really how they find out because I have people who will love me no matter what and that is all I need. I am finally out and proud.
Hi Allison! Well I thought ‘If someone took the time to write down the experience lived, no matter how long, I’ll read it’ … so I read it and I am surprised that we have had similar experiences, but I’m more coward, because I came out only to my best friend… I have some road to travel… but is kind of comforting to know your story… Well good luck and take care of yourself!
Hey Tori! I’m glad you read my story and could relate to it, and thanks for bearing with me on the length. I’m also glad to hear that my story provided you with some comfort, that was definitely something that I was hoping for. It does seem like a long road to travel but once you get that support system down, even if it’s only a few people, things will get easier. I’m not saying that it won’t be scary at all after a while, I don’t think that ever goes away completely, but it will get less scary. That’s great that you came out to your best friend, just don’t get discouraged. Like they say in one of the episodes, the bravery will come. Well goodluck, and thanks!
They were right, you always know what your sexuality is going to be… I’m bi and proud, well almost proud (my parents or extended family don’t know)… It started off with telling a couple of me best friend, the ones I knew would accept me… Started dating one of them too… She wasn’t sure what was going on either… I got scared and hid from everything and got extremely depressed… I am only just pulling through it all now… I never allowed myself to think “I like girls aswell”… It scared me, and still does but I know that it is who I am and I am not changing that for the world… I have recently meet a girl who is going through a lot of the same stuff as me with just wanting to be accepted in society… It is hard but we are pulling through…
I came out half accidentally, half on purpose. I came out last summer when the Pope arrived to Spain (I live there) because of all that stuff of joining all cristian youth in one place and all that shit. I was drawn into a kiss protest by my girlfriend of these days and TV’s cameras recorded me with my hands on the cookie jar.
Unlucky me, despite the cameras weren’t from local medias, content appeared to be breaking news and it was inserted in a few documentaries made these days, so I appeared on tv and mouth to ear… made my parents realize what was going on between me and my ‘really special friend’. Hilarious!
It kinda made things easier to me (no, it doesn’t mean acceptance) to come out and I’m glad I told them at the same time I was fighting for my believings! 😀
Courage, kids!
Well.. I’m not sure if it’s my coming out story, cause my parents doesn’t know about it yet (and I’m planning to keep it as a secret for a looong time..) but it’s the story of my finally accepting I like boys and girls.
It happened with a school mate. I knew her and there wasn’t a real connection at the beginning but some day we just started talking and she just became a really good friend.
I was new in school so I used to spent almost all of my time with her and other girl.
She had a boyfriend since long time before, but they were like fighting all the time and once she told me that he was jelous of me because she spent lot of time with me. I couldn’t understand it until she told me that once she had told him that she thought she was bisexual.. aaaaand there was when everything started. We started talking about it and I accepted that there were lot of times when I thought I also was (actually, I always thought it since I can remember, but I just never wanted to think “Ok, I like girls” it was just something inside me, inside my mind).
Things started to get weird after that. It was like we both were hoping to have the chance to “try”…
We had a party and she was so sad because she had broke up with her boyfriend and I was there, by her side when she was crying, and I was dying for kissing her!
The following class when we were sitting together (I don’t know how I could do it) I told her that I almost kiss her at the party and ask her if she’d bother. She said no.
The next week there was some friend of her’s birthday and she got me invited (which was embarrassing by now I don’t regret it.. and that guy is my friend to :D). She needed to stay over someone house’s that night so I agreed and after the party where she certainly flirted with me a lot, we went to my house.
Somehow we ended up lying in the same bed.. too close to each other… and I asked her if I could kiss her. I’ll never forget that kiss. We just kissed a lot that night.
Before that we just kissed when we knew that nobody could see us, but then I started dating a guy.. who later became my boyfriend.
Now, 7 months later I’m not longer with him and I see her all the time.. we could say we are together with “no strings attached” 🙂
usualmente trato de escribir en ingles pero hoy tengo pereza asi que busque la traduccion jejejeje
primer orden del dia: felicitar a el director Jason Leaver por un muy antojable comienzo me encanto.
segundo: contarles un poquito mi historia de salida del closet pero primero me presento para que me conozcan un poquito soy colombiana y rola de raca mandaca (es decir de la capital) mi papa es filosofo comunista de 64 años y mi mama es catolica conformista de 50 (aunque no se los acepta ni al medico) y yo soy una mujer gordita y algo hipocondriaca de 23 años. cuando sali del closet oficialmente, es decir, cuando se los confirme tenia 19 años y era voluntaria del primer centro comunitario para la poblacion lgbt de latinoamerica (claro esta que como por 6 meses les dije que era algo de lucha contra el sida) primero se lo conte a mi papa y en mi pobre intento en decirle que no era algo que yo habia elegido creo que me pase un poquito y lo interpreto mal porque me ofrecio psicologo, psiquiatra y aunque es mas ateo que nadie me ofrecio a la religion no se porque pero bueno, despues de ofrecerme todo eso me comenzo a hablar de filosofia y de como si yo queria me podia convertir en heterosexual solo con desearlo, su discurso comenzo con la historia de la filisofia pasando por el medio evo hasta llegar a kant en donde se detuvo un momento pero la verdad yo me quede medio dormida a la mitad del discurso al final le dije claramente que no era algo que yo hubiese elegido y que no se puede cambiar y que me sorprendia que se sorprendiera porque yo botaba pluma desde la cuna pero bueno como dos semanas despues mi mama me pregunto en el desayuno que si a mi me gustaban las mujeres le dije que si y despues de desear que yo fuera cualquier otra cosa menos lesbiana (ojo cualquier otra cosa) me salio con un trato un poco inusual me dijo que si queria que ella me aceptara como lesbiana tenia que bajar de peso (menos mal que dije que era gorda si no pensaran que mi mama queria que me volviera anorexica) y para finalizar como un año despues mi cuñada me pregunto y mi hermano se entero de una forma que no les puedo contar porque no tengo la mas remota idea hummm para una proxima ocasion hoy solo les voy a contar como se los conte a mi familia si les digo como se los conte a mis amigos eso si los deja perplejos.
tercero y ultimo: y lo digo en nombre de todos QUEREMOS TERCERA TEMPORADA NO NOS HAGAN ESPERAR TANTO
Por favor, si escribes en español (dejando al margen la gramática), utiliza signos de puntuación. Porque una cosa es buscar una traducción y otra muy diferente desencriptar un escrito que no sabes ni cómo ‘cortarlo’ porque no hay separaciones…
Ah, y me alegro de que te hayan aceptado medianamente bien pese a tus circunstancias familiares 🙂
gracias por la recomendación la tendré en cuenta para la proxima
Hola, me encanta esta serie, me preguntaba cuando pondrán substitutos a este vídeo ? y cuando saldrá mas o menos la 3 temporada ~ respondan por favor ><
Soon!
Yaaayyyy, Rose! I missed you! Video diary for the win. To hell with Vanessa, girl, she’ll NEVER be completely comfortable in public with you. Claire is sweet to the bone and chose YOU. Vanessa will never be able to completely break the chain of madness handed down from her mother. Claire needs love, too! Claire Claire Claire. Don’t worry about your Dad, he can bounce back from anything if you just don’t give up on him. And yes, I know that you are fictional characters. But….Claire.
I feel like I always knew I was into girls. Looking back it goes to third grade. For the longest time I tried to hide it from myself and everyone else. My brothers would pick on me and stuff. I didnt want it to be true. I was scared. Then in freshman year I started to come out to more and more of my friends. Everyone knew it was just the fact they wanted to hear it from me. When I was a senior I got in a fight with my gf and my parents didnt know about her. I was pacing around and my dad over heard my phone call. I accidently came out. Well after my real mom told my dad I was and i kept saying i wasn’t. It has brought my real mom and step dad closer but my dad and step mother have grown apart. I was like Rose. Could tell my dad everything and hide it and when i came out to him it just became so off :/ Just want my family to be happy for me being happy.
I just watchd that video and my thought actually was: Yeah, you (Rose) have to talk. You’ve got something to say.
Lovely idea, the thing with the diary. I remember, how I always tried to keep writing in a diary, but it just worked for a week, maybe even two, but not any longer. I already send in my CO story at the end of season one, as it was requested for the PFLAG stories. Furthermore, it wasn’t a big thing, generally not comlicated, so I guess the more interesting and controversary stories should definitely submitted.
And as always: Keep up the amazing work. I’m super excited for the continuation of the Claire-Rose-SL and the Vanessa-Rose SL.
I wish you well and very amazing Christmas holidays!
Merry Christmas
Best wishes from Germany
Theda
Hello,
How do I get access to the VIP group? I got an email saying my payment went through for the contribution last week, but didn’t get anything else.
Let me know. And keep up with the great work. You all are amazing.
-Keri
Fixed! You’re in now!
Thinking of it, I donated 50 CAD during spring or summer I think. I also got the postcard, but I wasn’t checked into the facebook group. Was it a different amount of money to be part of it?
Greetings from Germany!
Theda T.
oh oh! Let’s fix this!
I’ll email you right away!
hola hola de nuevo por aqui, solo para pedir un poco de noticias acerca del trailer de la nueva temporada, ojala y no tarde tanto para ver una probadita de mi serie favorita, a no olvidando mandar un saludo muy afectuoso a el Director Jason Leaver gracias por esta maravilla de serie
Awe! Gracias Veronica. 🙂
I’m a super-fan contributor and I am not a member of the VIP facebook group, also come to think of it I never did get a postcard either is that because I’m from the UK?
I shall email you Cheryl!
I’m a dad whose daughter has come out, but to me only so far. The changing dynamics between Nathan and Rose is oh so accurate, it’s uncanny. It’s like Jason Leaver has been secretly watching us … spooky.
Congratulations on such a great story and production.
I’m so glad you feel we’ve captured that accuracy. My hopes and dreams that this show can serve as a positive role model to parents out there.
Thanks, AnonD.
P.S. I promise I haven’t been watching you. :p
All can say about this is that it was well worth the money to be able to see it early and was very well put together. If this is something that you believe in and you can afford to make a donation, I would highly recommend it.
I’m so glad you feel that way. :)!
Awesome idea! I look forward to the rest of them to keep the hype up for the 3rd season! I am so glad this project is continuing to stay successful!
I can’t watch the video !!! >.<
You either need to have donated more than $50 here: https://www.outwithdad.com/contribute.
Or if you already have, make sure you are signed in to Facebook and click the link to the video from the VIP page.
It will be 100% public in January. ^_^
Oh… 🙁
I would do that, if I could…